Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
