Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
