My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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