So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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