i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
