Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
