It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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