Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
