I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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