Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
