I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
