1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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