He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
