The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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