i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize