i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
