I wannas sexs uuuuu
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
