i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
