I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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