sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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