Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
