Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is my gift to your gina
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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