What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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