she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
