Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
