There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
