True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
