god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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