was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My Sexting was not on an AP level
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
