I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
