You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
