maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
