did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
