Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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