Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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