You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
