Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
