Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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