you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
