Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
