dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
