Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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