why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
