it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
there is glitter all over my balls
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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