so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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