Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
