You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
