State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
only you would photoshop your dick
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
