he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize