so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
