You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
