I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
