oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize