just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
