I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
