There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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