By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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