these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
