I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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