You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize