Nicole vs. Life
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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