Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
