benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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