At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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