Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
