How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
