I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
