3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
