glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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