I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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