so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
