It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
