I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
