I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
