Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
