This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
