I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
