when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
