Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
