my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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